


Davekat.exe

by Nerukimi



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Albino Karkat Vantas, Alternate Universe - Human, Blond Dave Strider, Eridan is an ok person, Karkat Is An Angry Little Shit - Freeform, M/M, Slow Burn, YouTuber Dave Strider, sort of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-06
Updated: 2017-02-06
Packaged: 2018-09-22 13:39:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9609839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nerukimi/pseuds/Nerukimi
Summary: YouTube is one of the go-to places for insomniacs, you know that as much as I do. And when you're sleep deprived and online, you slip into the weird side of things.Tonight, Karkat finds himself watching a Youtuber called turntechGodhead, who reviews everything and everything and edits every movement to be in slow motion.It's inexplicably stupid if you ask Karkat, but unless you have a few days to spare, don't.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I just sort of saw a prompt and jumped on it. I actually have a plan for this, so it won't get left off, don't worry.   
> Also thank you Donna, for the truly inspiring title suggestion.   
> I'm actually going to find a way to make it fit though.

Karkat stared at his computer screen. Instead of sleeping(insomnia's a bitch) he was on YouTube, and like every other person who's on the Internet at three a.m. on Saturday, he was on the weird ass side. Again. For the last two and a half hours, Karkat's been watching the same person, aka turntechGodhead, and at this point he's about to break. 

For some godforsaken reason, he was re-watching the video that brought him to this douchebag's channel. A _seventeen_ -minute long video of tG(as his somehow somewhat large fan base called him, along with "cool kid" and "hot shit". Karkat swore that he'd never call him cool kid ~~though he'll begrudgingly admit that tG is pretty hot. Right after you torture him with tools forged in hell.~~ ) eating a  _fucking apple_ and _reviewing it._ All his videos were literally just reviews on random shit. Seriously, how did he get here. Karkat had no idea. 

"This apple here is prime fucking quality. Other people wish they had apple this crunchy and full of crisp natural quality," Dave said with absolutely no emotion. It's been eleven minutes and he's only taken 6 mediocre sized bites. This shit was in slow motion too. 

Karkat could feel his annoyance crawling on his skin. This beat staring at the wall and dealing with his self loathing, and was actually making him tired, but he couldn't help but feel every nerve in his body becoming irritated. 

He didn't do anything until after the video finished though. While tG didn't speak much, his voice was... fairly both aggravating and soothing. Karkat decided he hated it. 

His fingers were flying across the keyboard as he ranted about the absurdity of tG's channel, about how his stupid stoic face, about how insecure he must be to always be wearing shades _indoors_ , about how dumb his nice hair was, about the lame totally comfy looking  pyjamas he tends to wear, about how fucking soft his shitty ass lips look, about how completely unnecessary the edits are on these pointless videos, oh Karkat could and did go on for days. There were probably about ten pages or more worth of angry, capitalized words before his eyes finally couldn't take looking at a screen any longer. He clicked 'comment', shut off the monitor, and flopped onto his bed. 

He was out before he could get under the covers.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't going to post this until next week, but 400 words aren't really much of an attention catcher.
> 
> Also look at this tsundere piece of shit.

"Fuuuuuuuucccckk..."  Karkat groaned. There was way too much sunlight glaring though the window even if it was... oh damn, it was almost one o'clock. Holy shit, he hasn't slept that much in ages. 

Too bad he still felt grumpy, though he was kind of used to it. 

He tried to recall what had happened the night before. At one point he had talked to Eridan and Terezi, then went on YouTube, but it was kind of hazy. Not much different than any other night, really. But he felt like there was something else. Something about... apples. 

Shrugging it off, Karkat staggered to his computer. He could practically hear Kankri bitching about practically living at his computer desk. Not that he gave a fuck what Kankri thought, but he was vaguely surprised that the fucker hasn't woken him up.

Karkat lazily typed in his Facebook password,  and was met with a picture of a familiar shaded face. All the memories from last night instantly sharpened, and Karkat's jaw dropped. Sure, tG had a few thousand subscribers, but to be a meme on(Karkat checked the name of the page) Vriskagram? What happened?  He didn't even read the caption of the meme (something about irony) before clicking on the still-open YouTube tab. He glared at the dumbass apple video before going to turntechGodhead's channel. 

Jesus fucking Christ did Karkat's blood run cold. 

Featured at the very top was a new video, simply entitled "Critique Review" and the thumbnail was the cool kid himself in front of what was obviously a part of the rant he made last night. Karkat felt a sense of dread as he clicked on it.

But as he watched, he slowly switched from being embarrassed to pissed. Some of the things his past self said were so brash even he flinched when tG read them out loud. But the asshole's voice never even wavered. He just addressed each "concern" with dripping sarcasm, then moved on to the next one. 

To say it drove Karkat mad was an understatement. 

He noticed that tG skipped over anything that could pass as a compliment or -God forbid- a flirtation, which relieved Karkat to no end. He was definitely going to bitch about this to someone,  but he didn't know how he'd handle them if they thought he had a thing for the youtuber. Which he certainly didn't, by the way.  

"Irony motherfucker."

Karkat blinked and went back a few seconds. 

"'There's no reason behind any of your crackpot videos, it's absolutely sickening. If I gave you a thousand years you couldn't find a relevant person that could explain this bullshit,'" TG read aloud, "Well my man, I actually l can explain that. Irony motherfucker."

What kind of meme level bullshit reasoning was that? Karkat wrinkled his nose in disdain as he finished watching the video. He tried to ignore the number of views, because honestly? He was sick of this already.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Karkat finds out that tG has a name, Dave finds out that there's a Davekat fanclub, and Eridan finds out that he's in this fic for some reason

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm winging this like a majestic motherfucking eagle at this point 
> 
> Also yeah I'm going update MTC soon, if you care

If someone asked how Karkat was doing at this moment, he'd probably stab them. Or ask his dad to. Either way they'd realize that he was doing horribly. 

It's been three days and the apple-eating douchebag was _everywhere._ Every time he used Facebook, there he was, saying 'Irony motherfucker'. It wasn't even a good meme. 

"Which is probably the point of it," Karkat muttered. 

"What was that, Kar?" Eridan asked, sprawled out on the couch. Cronus and Kankri had went out for the night doing God knows what, and Eridan was at odds with Feferi again, so he asked to come hang out with Karkat and Gamzee. 

Karkat sighed in frustration and sat on the end least occupied by the potterhead . "This dumbass meme. The 'Irony Motherfucker' one? It's so dumb it's popular, which is what that asshat planned, I'm sure of that."

"Are you talking about the red guy?" 

"...Yeah, I guess. You've seen his videos?"

"Hell no. I'm not Ter, I don't become obsessed with stuff just because of 'dank memes'. Besides, I'm more of a Vine kind of guy, you know?"

"Of course you are," Karkat huffed. "Fucking hipster."

Eridan put a hand over his heart in mock offense, "Well excuuuuuuuuse me for not feeling like going with the capitalistic flow." He stretched out dramatically, and his legs flopped lightly across Karkat's lap.

"Oh my fucking- dammit Eridan, you're almost as bad as Gamzee," Karkat groaned, but he didn't bother shoving Eridan off.

"One of you brothers call my name?" Gamzee called from upstairs. 

"Eridan's being a dick!"

"Nah... HEY!" 

 

~~~~~

 

Eridan was right about one thing though. If there was anyone you could talk about memes with, it was Terezi. She was basically a meme historian, and knew about everything about every meme. 

So that's exactly what Karkat did.

~~~  
CG: HEY TEREZI  
CG: YOU KNOW THAT "IRONY MOTHERFUCKER" MEME  
CG: OF COURSE YOU DO BUT ANYWAYS   
CG: I FUCKING HATE IT 

GC: WOW K4RKL3S  
GC: 1 THOUGHT YOU H4D 4 HUUUUUUUUG3 CRUSH ON H1M >:]

CG: WHAT  
CG: HOW WOULD YOU KNOW 

GC: 1'M SUBSCR1B3D TO BOTH OF YOUR CH4NN3LS   
GC: D4V3 M4Y H4V3 C3NSOR3D YOUR N4M3 BUT 1 ST1LL R3COGN1Z3D YOU

CG: ...FUCK  
CG: THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE RIGHT THOUGH   
CG: DAVE?

GC: Y34H, TH4T'S H1S R34L N4M3  
GC: 4ND STOP W1TH TH3 TSUND3R3 BULLSH1T W3'R3 NOT 1N 4 FUCK1NG 4N1M3

CG: FIRST OF ALL FUCK YOU  
CG: AND HOW WOULD YOU KNOW HIS REAL NAME  
CG: I WATCHED EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE SHITTY VIDEOS AND HE DIDN'T DROP HIS NAME ONCE

GC: W3 D4T3D 1N S3COND GR4D3, BUT W3 BROK3 UP WH3N H1S BRO START3D HOM3SCHOOL1NG H1M  
GC: M3 4ND H1M 4R3 ST1LL MUTU4LS THOUGH  
GC: 1 KNOW YOU'V3 ONLY B33N H3R3 S1NC3 L1K3 FOURTH BUT H3 L1T3R4LLY L1V3S H3R3 K4RKL3S HOW H4V3 YOU M1SS3D H1M  
GC: H3R3'S 4 L1NK TO H1S P4G3 BTW >;]  
GC: Link

CG: ... OK WOW  
CG: I'M NOT CLICKING THAT "BY THE WAY"

GC: SUUUUUUUUR3  
GC: L4T3R K4RKL3S   
~~~

 

~~~~~

 

While that conversation was going,  Terezi also happened to be talking to Dave.

Terezi is fully capable of talking to two people at once, you know 

~~~  
GC: H3Y COOLK1D

TG: sup terez

GC: OH NOTH1NG, JUST F1N1SH3D T4LK1NG TO K44444444RK44444444T >;]

TG: are you just going to subtly do your girlfriend's typing thing or  
TG: by karkat, do you mean the loudmouth who gave me the ticket to the prime ass memelife   
TG: tell him I said thanks

GC: M4YB3 YOU C4N DO TH4T YOURS3LF L4T3R >;]

TG: what did you do 

GC: 1 G4V3 H1M TH3 L1NK TO YOUR TUMBLR   
GC: 4ND H3 TOT3S HAS 4 TH1NG FOR YOU >;]  
GC: JUST G1V3 H1M 4 CH4NC3

TG: i dunno rez, that rant made it pretty clear that he hates me   
TG: and if he starts sending me hate rants i'm holding you responsible 

GC: H3'S JUST B4D 4T F33L1NGS D4V3  
GC: L1K3 TH4T D34N GUY FROM SUP3RN4TUR4L  
GC: WH1CH 1S TOTALLY 1RON1C B3C4US3 H3 FUCK1NG LOV3S ROM COMS  
GC: TH3 SH1TT13R TH3 B3TT3R  
GC: JUST W4TCH H1TCH W1TH H1M 4ND H3'LL "F4LL L1K3 4 MOTH3RFUCK3R"

TG: noted  
TG: also while he's pretty cute he doesn't look like dean fucking winchester   
TG: no one's that hot

GC: TRU3  
GC: BUT S3R1OUSLY YOU TWO WOULD B3 SO CUT3 TOG3TH3R  
GC: TH3R3'S 4 F4NCLUB YOU KNOW >;]

TG: are you shitting me right now   
TG: that's kind of fucked up   
TG: we haven't even met each other   
TG: what the hell terezi 

GC: OF COURS3 1'M SH1TT1NG YOU >:[

TG: thank gog 

GC: 4LL 1'M S4Y1NG 1S GO FOR 1T D4V3  
GC: GO G3T TH4T 4SS

TG: omfg  
TG: i'm done  
TG: i'll talk to you later rez   
~~~

**Author's Note:**

> Well, that went ok. It's just the beginning though.   
> If you like my writing feel free to give me a prompt.   
> Also yes, I'm working on the Meme Team Contribution. It'll be updated soon.


End file.
